The distance created by the terrible A's

Hello again,

At first I was going to write an informative post about alcohol and anorexia, which I have noticed the media rather insensitively has titled drunkorexia but I think that after the last post I will wait. Any reading you want to do, I still encourage reading the link at the end of the last post first. For anyone who is here trying to understand how a loved one can suffer from anorexia and still deprive herself, there is no better answer than in this mother's story of the demon inside. This aside, some things you can look forward to is a rant on why drunkorexia makes light of a very serious subject, my personal story, and information on both diseases both separately and together.

I think one thing that a lot of people fail to understand is that to understand one of these diseases is to understand the other because of the similarities of addiction while at the same time not understanding either because of the differences. So i want to explore both anorexia and alcoholism separately and together. With an insider's views, it may be easier to see how both can control your life, and how funnily enough even though being an anorexic is all about control, all you want to do is lose it without guilt for awhile which is why alcohol becomes so enticing. Remember my mention earlier that I strive to be the paradox of everything I stood for, well, for someone who wanted to standout with little notice, the control vs. lack of control of an eating disorder and drinking incessantly fit perfectly.

More on my own story later, just a heads up to let anyone who may have noticed my blog know I am going to continue to write my story as therapy and hopefully aid to some who just need a listening ear and friend. The thing about either of these addictions, or both anorexia and alcohol depending on your situation is that you lose many friends along the way. It gets very hard to hide no matter how talented you are, so it is easier to drop people you used to love as they get in the way of your disease.

Those still in your life, tend to avoid the subjects as they are uncomfortable with discussing problems they cannot understand and traits about you that they hate. People do not like what they cannot solve, so I have found recovery to be a lonely path despite my fiance, friends, and family as no one is really comfortable letting me talk, joke, or sound off about my anorexia or alcoholism. They want me to be fine, but fine on my own. It's ironic really, because it is this mindset that I was so determined to achieve when I first began restricting my diet.

I suppose it is ironic that I fine tune it while in recovery, and an atonement to pay for my wrong decisions as I fight the struggle towards the unattainable perfection without my favorite crutches alone.